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| St. John's Wort |
Anyway, thats not what I wanted to journal about today. I feel heavy. Like heart heavy. Dragged down. It's like everything that can go wrong, IS! My St. John's Wort I was so excited to grown and was so excited it was actually a herb that is something I need. It's often used for depression.
I was so excited to start my Passion Parties business. It's like every time I'm so excited and positive about something. Then, I get sick. Like I used up all of my life force . Thats just crazy. I just spent 3 days in bed, and hubby took me to the hospital on Sunday because I couldnt take the head pain any longer. I thought that it was my job making me so sick. That it was my job that was keeping me exhausted so that I couldnt have the time or energy to put into passion parties. But I've been gone from my job now probably 2 weeks. And nothing grand has happened.
Maybe I am not putting in enough effort. In magick, you get out what you put in. So maybe I am not putting in as much as I could.
I don't have a home base to evolve my business from. Usually people start with their home circle. Friends and family. But what if a person doesnt have that. My friends have not been supportive. The way I see it, they have not been there for me. Maybe I'm just a joke to them. Just someone to have some laughs with. I hand out my business cards almost everywhere I go. An order from A&W - gal bringing order gets a card. Go to Albertson's - put up a pull tab ad. Hmmmm maybe I should of cut those tabbies myself *lol*
It feels like I'm holding back a little though. What am I so afraid of? I'm not handing out photos of myself posing for porn! *ugh* Maybe I need to clear out the negativity from my life. Maybe I haven't let go of the past. Therefore not able to prosper in the here and now. Perhaps I thought it would be simple and fun and that the success would come so easy.
So, so far I've come up with The Understanding:
- holding on to past anger with my latest nursing job. That must be let go and burned to ash during a waning moon.
- I feel badly that I was acting egotistical back in February and acting like being a consultant would be so easy. I think maybe I feel like I don't deserve the success that I want. Because I unfairly judged others.
- Clear my home of negativity from hostile feelings during the 4 months I worked in Powell as a CNA & perhaps everyone always asking about why I left my other job of 6 years probably brought up bad negative feeling as well.
- I will use california white sage smudge stick through my entire home. Also need to come up with a rhyming quatrain to chant.
- I will then do a ritual to release all of the negativity from my mind, body, and soul
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| Wyoming Big Horn Mountains |
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2 comments:
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear you aren't feeling well.
I have been in such a neagative circle too. Just know that it will get better. I'm nearly 48 now and the light is slowly returning. Your hormones are playing tricks with you too, just mind that too. The feelings you have come forth from the body and the mind acting up. Have you tried using Rhodiola ?? That is a herb that balances your energy, I use it all the time and must say it has helped me a lot. If you want to talk, you know where to find me ; )
you really think my hormones are playing tricks with me. I'm not normally this down. I was suppose to be happy and relieved to be rid of my job.
Yes, I think I'll have to drop you a note hon and we will talk about the rhodiola. :) (((hugs)))
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